swirling black lilies - If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

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March 3, 2009

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

               -- B. Shaw

(via growingup) (via caloco-momo)

Notes For This Post:

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fatimarose reblogged this from likeavirgin and added:

woww. i actually said like most of that right :]] that was fun.
likeavirgin reblogged this from pieceofmymind
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chai-tea-latte-drinker reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de and added:

this was super amusing
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cuppboard reblogged this from the405 and added:

A thing of beauty!!
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bellemcwhat reblogged this from cameronchristopher and added:

I got them all, but I did notice a couple would be pronounced differently depeding on where you live (neither, leisure)
iamnodoctor liked this
candy-coated reblogged this from bubbleburst and added:

maryclare:justlikeacold:zombienovela:growingup: Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach...
katiiish liked this
forever-insatiable liked this
pixierixie reblogged this from bigwordsexciteme and added:

I just finished reciting it! It’s so long but it amused me. :D
cameronchristopher reblogged this from foxfireburns and added:

Wow. I missed corps but did fine otherwise.
flyingpoodle liked this
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city-love reblogged this from goodmorningheartache
goodmorningheartache reblogged this from takeiteasylovenothing and added:

Yay! I’m proud of myself. =P I think I did pretty good. :)
clarityofthemind reblogged this from smigin
crispers reblogged this from sadisticandvain
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wakeupboo reblogged this from briand316 and added:

Wow. Did pretty well, took me an entire ad break lol
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nii-nii liked this
briand316 reblogged this from smigin and added:

This is amazing. I’d make an audio post just to show how it’s done! :D I love knowing English.
smigin reblogged this from lunacyfringe
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makemeyourpicture reblogged this from searchforbreaths and added:

i LOVE this. i am a nerd.
uselessnothings liked this
sadisticandvain reblogged this from ineedtotellyouallsomething
takeiteasylovenothing reblogged this from erikavw-deleted-deactivated2009 and added:

It took me like five minutes to read this aloud, but I think I did okay. ;p
ineedtotellyouallsomething reblogged this from lunacyfringe and added:

DAMN THAT’S FUCKING HARD O_O.
xmusicxisxlifexx liked this
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erikavw-deleted-deactivated2009 reblogged this from loveireandsong and added:

I’d make an audio post just for people to hear my fails XD Lol, jk.
the-birdmans-wife reblogged this from loveireandsong and added:

Good God, I’m knackered after that.
loveireandsong reblogged this from tatooine-deactivated20091001-de and added:

recited this just there. My family think I’m mad
neely-marie liked this
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bubbleburst reblogged this from xmichaelloser and added:

Mr. Manaay days!
lalalalovely liked this
xmichaelloser reblogged this from hello-therelove and added:

it took me forever. haha
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isay reblogged this from hello-therelove and added:

Piece of cake. My mother would be proud.
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justlikeacold reblogged this from zombienovela and added:

apparently i pronounce query wrong. along with a few other things. wtf.
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(jadore-mots:howl:firecrackers:growingup)...Study English pronunciation. I will teach you...
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I’m sorry, but what does pronunciation have to do with speaking “correct” English? There is no longer a “correct”...
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hardlyinventive, padayon, dare, howl, firecrackers, growingup:...Dearest creature in...
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beyourpet reblogged this from helloidrinktea and added:

lol i gave up halfway cos it got bored, but thats crazy how fucked english it! >w
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i feel proud of myself
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It’s been reblogged to infinity, but it’s worth saving for my own Tumblr.
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Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
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That was really fun. :)
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somethingofadreamer: squilitumblr: spunkfairy: dare: howl: firecrackers: growingup:
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firecrackers:growingup:
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Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
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got bored halfway through. -.-
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Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
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Score for the home team.
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geez louise english is so so damn confusing when you look at it like...major props to...
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This is amazing.
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Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps,...
somethingofadreamer reblogged this from squilitumblr and added:

that even I had to reach for...them. Gotta love English
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spunkfairy:dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:
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randomnessnstuff:dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:...Dearest creature in creation, Study...
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spunkfairy:dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:
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dare:howl:firecrackers:growingup:...two wrong. Jessk, for you.
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I cannot explain the thrill I get from reading this out loud. From the time we could read, my brother and I were to do...
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marinakayy:theprosaic:growingup:
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ditto. i think i did pretty well though. :)
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I just spent 6 minutes saying this aloud to myself.
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I struggled with maybe 5 words I didn’t recognize, but I basically nailed it. GO ME.
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poem by Gerald Nolst Trenite
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I can only seek solace in the fact that I’m not a native speaker.
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Se bene ricordo Bernard Shaw, oltre a far ripetere la Rana in spagna gracida in campagna alla povera Mayfair Lady....
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theprosaic:growingup: Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation....will...
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ohhhh myyy! so hard to read it !!! LOL ! i will try this everyday !
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theprosaic: growingup:
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Love Love Love It :D
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